March Favorites

Written by Kyla Kwan

March was a month of trials for me but these are the events that define our true strength. Aside from the triumphant events, this month was filled with new experiences. I celebrated my birthday, met new people, and reconnected with old friends.

TO WATCH:

Before We Go - Nothing's better than cuddling into your bed on a Friday night to watch a sappy movie that somehow gets you in the feels only to be fooled. I honestly enjoyed this movie because I every single thing that I thought would happen, actually didn't. And if it were to happen the way I envisioned it, it would've became a tacky love story that everyone hates.

Earthlings - A friend of mine recently changed his eating habits as a result from viewing this film. Following a discussion regarding the film, I decided to watch it myself. All I can really say is that it's such an eyeopening documentary that will have you reconsidering your eating habits. 

TO WEAR:

Button Up Skirts - I am totally loving that they're finally going back in trend! They totally add a sassy but girly look to your outfit.

Loose Fitted Tees - They were a major purchase of mine this month. T-shirts are so great; there's so many ways to were them. The even greater part is that it takes minimal effort to dress t-shirts up.

Bralettes - I don't know why it took me so long to finally invest in these bad boys. I can definitely understand the hype behind them.

TO EAT:

Acai Bowls - Always a classic. I have such a sweet tooth so I definitely enjoy munching on acai bowls. PRO TIP-creating your own acai bowls and topping it with delicious fruits to munch on while watching a film in bed is a must.

Hummus & Carrots - Hummus will forever be a favorite of mine. I used to snack on hummus and pita chips but I recently rediscovered dipping carrots in hummus and it was no mistake.

Lara Bars - My personal favorite is Cashew Cookie. Lara Bars are great for when you're on the go, and they are super filling. To top it off, they're vegan!

OTHER:

Spontaneous drives - I did not necessarily go anywhere this month which is depressing but I did a lot of "Let's go for a drive and see where we end up!" drives - which are one of my favorites. Nothing is better than driving around with your best buds, jamming to music, or talking, or simply enjoying each other's company.

Essential oils - Forever my holy grail. I go to essential oils for everything. Lavender is my favorite when helping me sleep. 

Hanging out with new people - Although, hanging out with new people is always advisable, I did a lot of it this month. It's cool to see how different groups of friends hang out and finding new ways to connect with people.

TO LISTEN:

Amy Winehouse's Lioness: Hidden Treasures Album

Fade Away by Rebelution

This Must Be My Dream by The 1975

Step by Vampire Weekend

Should I Stay or Should I Go? by The Clash

Horny Hippies by The Dodos

We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off by Ella Eyre

(Happy 16th Birthday MACK DADDY! I hope you have a great birthday. Thanks for being such a beautiful girl with a unique personality.)

Birthday Blues

Written by Kyla Kwan

I don't quite remember the times I anticipated birthdays. I'm sure that as a child, this was a day I would always look forward to but for the most part - and for as much as I can remember - I have always hated birthdays. I remember a particular birthday where my dad was more excited about it than I was and another where my mom my mom was more excited about it. 

I may have been about 8 or 9. My dad and I were both watching television and somehow, death was brought into conversation. I did not know much about death then, I did not experience much about death at that time. And, I remember asking my dad when can people come back to life after they die. It never occurred to me that that was a pretty morbid question to ask but I was in for some curiosity when my dad responds with "Well, you don't." He then proceeded to explain to me that once an individual dies, they're dead. There is really no coming back to the life you lived previously. I remember crying every night for about a week because my dad just taught me the basic concept of death and how time is limited.

Life would continue to pass by and then March 5 comes back around. And I would tend to ask myself, "Did you live one hell of a year? Or did you totally fail at living the life of a *insert age* year old?" That's when I become reminded of the conversation I had with my dad. It's also when the possibility of me getting upset at myself for not living life to its full capacity is at its epitome.

Although I hate the attention it brings, that's not the reason I hate birthdays. I love celebrating life, especially with friends and family. It's more of - I hate it because I'm reminded that I can't live to be 1000. Here, I am reminded that I need to enjoy it more often because to be honest, I tend to lack at enjoying life. I hated being asked, "How does it feel to be *age*?" To answer that truthfully, I don't know because I just turned that age. 

Each year on my birthday, I become quite fearful that I might lose myself because for quite some time, it was in my mind that I had to become a new person each year. But obviously as I got older, I older that wasn't the case but it's still easy to lose yourself. There was so much immensity to face on my birthday. "What if I don't enjoy being 17? What if 16 is better than 17? What if I'd much rather be 5 again?" 

But the more I adjust to being this age I had just turned, I learn to like it more and more. I return to enjoying where I am at the moment. I suddenly am satisfied being the age I am now than the age I was before. 

17 Things I Learned In 17 Years

1. Be yourself. I know that this saying is pretty overrated but it holds true to it's meaning. Take interests in the things you want to interest in. Express yourself, who knows, maybe it can teach someone something new.
2. Knowledge is the only thing that can't ever be taken away from you. Most people view learning as a drag, but I see it as a beauty. An individual can control how much knowledge they obtain. There's so many ways to learn and it's pretty amazing. I can't believe I'm actually saying this but stay in school and learn as much as you can. Knowledge is such a powerful thing.
3. Appreciate those who mean most to you. In February 2016, my great-grandmother passed away and in the summer of 2012, my uncle passed away - both unexpected. If there is one thing I will share to what I learned from both, it would to always tell those you love that you love them. There's no shame in showing appreciation and affection. (And also, take their wisdom to heart because they've seen more than you have.)
4. It's easy to get wrapped up in negativity but always spread kindness and positivity. It's extremely important to be kind and positive - it helps not only to create a better atmosphere but a better you.
5. Friendships are important. They come in all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, colors, cultures so befriend as many people as you can. I've learned that most of the time, you get what you put into them. I've found the greatest friendships in the most unlikely places. They can be your salvation - which is also important. (So, thank you to my best friends: Aine, Kelton, Madison, Sam, Abby, and Maysen. But also thank you to all of my other wonderful friends for everything.) 
6. Don't let anything toxic into your life or back into your life. It's only going to create emotional stress and taking it out of your life will make you feel 100% better. (Little side note-don't hang out with people who treat you like shit.)
7. Not everybody is going to like you - not everybody you like is going to like you back.
8. Don't let anyone's opinion of you change who you are. If you like who you are, there's no need to change who you are. Don't feel like you have to impress other people either. The only person you have to ever impress is yourself.
9. Love yourself and believe in yourself. Learning to love yourself will bring so much positivity in your life and you are less likely to be convinced of the negativity. Believing in yourself will become a huge motivation.
10. Keep a journal. I honestly cannot stress this enough. A journal is useful for so many things - writing memories down, expressing your frustrations, anger, happiness, etc, lists, drawings, whatever you want.
11. Learn to be alone. Doing things alone is a good thing and often times, can be peaceful. I've learned that being alone does not necessarily mean that you are lonely.
12. Learn to accept to be rejected - by boys, friends, schools, jobs, etc. It does not mean at all that you are not good enough. I've heard NO so many times that my mindset is "On to the next one."
13. It is okay to say NO and to stand up for what you believe in, respectfully and while respecting the opinion of others.
14. Failure is okay. It does not mean that you're doing something wrong. BUT - just be sure to learn from it.
15. Coffee is a true gift.
16. Don't be afraid of confrontation. Chances are, you probably don't want to say it just as much as the person does not want to hear it but it has to be said. It's better to know exactly how a person feels than to wonder, and ALWAYS ask questions.
17. Take risks, step out of your comfort zone, and venture out. It may seem scary at first but trust me, it's totally worth it. It's a great way to experience life, discover new passions or hobbies, and meet new people.

I Wish I Had Known

PC: Kyla Kwan
Written By Kyla Kwan

Thoughts have always been racing in and out of my mind. Most have been about what I've done and what I've learned in the past year. None are experiences of which I wish I could change. But, if you were able to tell yourself things you know now, what are some things you wish you had known?

For me, it goes a little something like this:

Life has a way of working things out. I often rushed for things to happen but I should have just relaxed and let time do its thing. A lot of hurt is going to be experienced but that shouldn't mean that life can't be enjoyed. Take risks because you'll be looking back at those most. Offer a hand to new people, they might become the most important people in your life. It's okay to close doors because new ones will open up. I also wish I had known to enjoy the moments more because now, I wish I could relive those moments again. Feed your curiosity, look for answers. Most importantly, learn to genuinely listen to those who speak. 

I've always kind of liked reading people's "What I Wish I Would've Known A Year Ago" writings because typically, they say something along the lines of how that boy who broke your heart is just a silly memory to you now and how you wish you knew that high school isn't real life and how it gets better, but I already knew these things a year ago. I was on the right track: good grades, good athlete, more scholarships than I could keep up with bragging about. I was a good kid, better than good.. I was great - never smoked, never drank, never lied to my parents or snuck out to a party. So, when I was asked what I would want to tell myself a year ago, I realized very quickly that the ME I was a year ago was doing a whole lot better than the me now.

I guess I would've told myself, "Good job girl! Keep going! You're on the right track!" ...But I did't tell myself that and nobody around me felt the need to tell me that either. My outstanding achievements and impeccable behavior became an expectation, not something that deserved a pat on the back, but instead, something that only increased the amount of disappointment that came crashing down on me in times of "failure." I wish I would've encouraged myself to keep going.

I wish I could've told myself how important your individual sense of self is, your beliefs, your morals, your standard. These are the things that define who we are and who we will become, and that they aren't like flowers in a vase. You can't just let one die and expect the rest to lie on. You see - once you jeopardize your sense of self, every other violation of your beliefs becomes easier in the future. Your first lie paves the way for lost trust and shattered friendships. Your first drink is all it takes to drag you out every Saturday to get drunk and do things you'll regret in the months to come. I wish I could've told myself that the first high doesn't ever come again. I didn't know that I would miss out on upcoming memories and experiences trying to chase it.

I wish I could've told myself a year ago how special I was. I was innocent and honest, something I didn't understand would ever be so hard to come by. Now, I look at the people I used to like and I hate them for their purity, their ignorance to all of the sin in the world. They separated themselves from the darkness and I used to be with them in the light, but a few more lies and drinks later, I look back and can't remember ever feeling clean.

I wish I could tell myself how great I was for being a strong individual who stood by what she believed in, who respected herself enough not to be with boys who she knew didn't want her but only what she would give them...a piece of herself which she could never take back. I wish I could tell myself that every drunk hook-up only leaves you feeling more alone than the last and eventually, you become so numb that you can't see ever loving someone the right way at all.

I wish I could tell myself to stop before you jump and think about everything you are leaving behind. I wish I could tell myself to appreciate the life I had enough to not throw it away for some "good times." I wish I could tell myself that while I would become very good at lying to others, I would never be able to lie to myself about who I had become. I wish I could give myself the lecture about how lies always catch up to you, and convince myself that nothing is forever - scholarships get taken away, grades drop. I thought that because I was doing good for so long that I could just change and all of the great things I achieved would stay the same and God, I just wish I could tell myself I was so wrong.

I could never speak to myself a year ago because I would never want her to know who she would become. It's so hard to keep your innocence but once it's gone, you can never get it back. So, I would tell myself not to change a thing and to be proud of who I am and what I was doing, but I couldn't bear to speak to that girl because I became everything she hated. Everything I hated, everything that I judged and looked down upon, everything I swore I'd never be...I became. So, I would over and over and over again tell myself: not to change. -Anonymous

A year, I think I wish I knew that everything would work itself out. A year ago, I wish I knew that I would come across some of the best people in my life. A year ago, I wish that I could make anything happen for myself if I tried hard enough. But most importantly, I wish I knew that not everyone is gonna like me, but the only person that has to like me is myself. Mostly because a year ago, I let people who didn't like me cloud my judgment and make me feel like less of a human and if I had only  liked myself, none of that would've mattered. I let people get to me and get inside my head and it made me feel like shit. So, I wish that a year ago I knew that if I just liked myself a little more, none of what others said about me would've hurt as bad as it did. I'm the only person that has to like myself and as long as that happens, I will be okay. -Aine

I wish  I had known a year ago to keep my friends closer. In times of need, a close friend will always be there, no matter how busy they are. When I am not feeling up for what I face ahead of me, a close friend would help me through that. When you don't keep friends close, you start to grow distant. People say, "You never know what you have until you lose it," but truthfully, you knew what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it. If you don't keep people close enough, they start to feel unwanted and will willingly rush to another for comfort, effectively ending the relationship between you and that person. -Ethan

A year ago today, I wish I would have known that life, and specifically, childhood, is short. Yes, since the beginning of my life, I've heard over and over again how limited the time you get to spend without responsibilities and with stability would be, but I never really listened. I wish I would have. I'm not the type of person to really dwell on regrets for very long, and I definitely don't regret any decisions I've made regarding how or with whom I've spent my past 17 years, but I also can't help thinking about much more might have accomplished if I actually cherished every moment to its fullest capacity. I like who I am, but who knows who I could have been if I had let more crazy, irresponsible, reckless, and spontaneous experiences prepare me for the future.

My advice to you is to live your life to the fullest, and I mean ACTUALLY do it. Don't just say it or even convince yourself of it, honestly understand that each and every moment can be memorable if you decide to make it that way. -Cat

I wish that I knew that it was okay to fall in love and there was nothing to be scared about. Because that's when I learned to open up and it taught me what I want in someone and it taught me to forgive and even though he left, my heart was shattered. Being in love was one of the most blissful parts of my life and 10/10 would fall for someone again. -Anonymous

A year ago, I wish I would've known that everything was going to work out. A year ago, I didn't have a stable friend group and no one to really talk to but now I have a close group of friends who I am so thankful for!! -Neave

A year ago, I wish I would've known what I wanted to do with my life.. It would have made the choices I make and my decisions a lot more valuable to me. -Lief

I wish I had listened to those who cared for me and looked out for me. If I had just listened and took what they said to heart, I would have saved myself a whole lot of hurt. I would not have lost the most important people in my life. I wish I had told those who mean most to me how much they really mean to me and I wish I had fought for them just as much as they fought for me. -Anonymous

Well, maybe if last year I knew about all the fake friends I had, I wouldn't have wasted my time on them and I would've dropped them sooner. Or if I known about the Powerball numbers, I would've won and became a Kardashian and have gotten the reality TV show I deserved all to myself. -Brody